Farewell

November 25, 2014, it would be a day I would not forget, for it is when I experienced how earth fell upon my shoulders, as I walk my way to his remains, I couldn't speak a word, I could not let out any emotion, then my brother told me what happened, how he lost his battle for his life against the comatose state that the traitor stroke has caused him.

They left me for a moment, inside a small, white room with his dead body covered in white cloth. As I felt his warm body with my own hands, I fell apart, I gave into despair and it burst out uncontrollably. I hate it so much, I hate it that I know I’m crying not out of sadness, but of pure regret. I regret everything, I regret that I didn't get to spend the rest of his days properly. I regret that despite knowing we already feel no remorse against each other, pride has prevented us to show how we truly feel for each other, how much I wanted to give him back the good life he once had, how I wanted to be the good son to him, how I badly wanted to brag about my achievements and spill my sorrows and disappointments.. I hate myself for being unable to let him know how much I truly love him as my father, how thankful I was for everything that he has taught me, for my precious talent that I got from him, if not for it I won’t get to where I am now.

He has so much plans for us, and I feel so bad that we we’re unable to make it happen together, that we won’t get to experience it anymore with him.

Maybe this time, I could already tell myself that I've lived long enough. As the time has already come for me to experience the decease of someone close and important to me and to my family.

This is inevitable. No one knows why it would happen at a certain time. And at such moments, nothing’s more invaluable than the love, support and concerns that we received from our families and friends. It helps us heal and accept reality, for that I will always be grateful.

To my beloved father, we know you’re already at peace with the Lord. May you keep on watching over us through the years. I love you.

You Are Right

The truth has been told,

And all is well,

If I have done something wrong,

Might as well be aware,

Cause I never thought,

Never could foresee,

How I made it worse then it had to be,

Do not get me wrong,

I know it is my fault,

I know that your words,

Were just my spite,

I have to let you,

Fight this one alone,

Cause if you listen to me,

You are sure to see,

I not fair,

I am unforgiving,

I do what ever it takes,

To make sure I am winning,

I guess I could have seen,

Just what I was doing,

But I was to busy,

Making things worse,

No longer will I stand in the way,

I trust you,

In everyway,

It is your decision,

Do not do things my way.

Let's work it now...

His way...

I love you...

Forever, I will.

Foolish

Go with the flow? I'd rather not-
if I did so before - I might be dead by now...

I just wanted to say...
I am never confused of my feelings,
You might have forgotten how you knew me;
I am already matured enough –
and I am dead serious and true;
in everything that I feel.

things happened against our own hearts' desires
weakness made us tumble; distance failed you to be sensible.
fears defeated our senses; doubt overruled your decisions.
where in fact - you'd been deceived by your self-made illusions
lame as it might sounded; we've been unreasonable -
we got drowned in a shallow pond; having the thought its a lake
what’s done is done - we're hurt.
they say; No stranger has the capacity to truly hurt you,
the terrible power is held only by those you truly love.
love... we're hurting cause we do love...don't we?
I do love you - still. and all I want to do is to find you
to find the right way to find our way back into love - without if's with no buts’.
and no matter how dark that way might be...
I will never be afraid; for this feels so right, just so right.
I love you and you love me, nothing really has to change.
Just like the sun rose in the east and set in the west;
Just as you’re born as Sarahlyn, and I, as Joemm.
that was the way things were, and always would be.
I’ve seen it all already.none of us need to speak, or to explain;
nothing more should be insisted between us.
cause I know – and I just believe that I am meant for you.
as you are meant for me.
we don’t ever need to try looking for love;
cause Love will surely find its way between us.
You can call me crazy,
you might think I’m a fool.
however, I called this –
Love by my heart,
Optimism by my mind.