1. More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
4. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
5. The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
6. There is a great need for sarcasm font.
7. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.
8. I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
9. Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say.”
10. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
11. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
12. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
13. I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
14. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
15. Bad decisions make good stories.
16. Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
17. Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
18. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
19. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
20. I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
21. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
22. When I meet someone new, I’m terrified of mentioning something they havn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
23. I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
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