Amend

Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don't even recognize that the change is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or unto someone who can explain it to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it sees to break out of its shell on its way on becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant.

But what is more unpleasant is the not knowing what is really happening, forgetting that the very shell that we're breaking was once part of us, that for long it has been our home that covers, protects and hones us into becoming someone; not knowing that we are losing ourselves because of excitement, that just because we found a new light we become insensitive of the things that we will break around us in the process.

We have to live with our mistakes, but we don't have to regret them. Regret our actions but never regret the consequences. We all make our own paths in life. Everyone we meet, everything we do, it changes us. It makes us who we are. And if we're lucky, we're given the chance to make things right again. But that doesn't mean we could deny our past to justify our mistakes. Because we have learnt lessons from all our experiences, no matter how good, bad, or crazy it was.

Its scary to find someone that makes you happy. You start giving them all your attention because they're what you thought might make you forget all bad that's going on in your life. They become the first person you want to talk to so you can start and end your day with a smile. It all sounds great to have that someone, good for you, yet scary for the people who are losing you, who has lost you; to the people you have started taking for granted; how easily it is for you to take your happiness and forget that for once, there's that someone who has filled up your emptiness.

If you leave someone at least say goodbye, because what's more painful than being abandoned; is knowing you're not worth a piece of farewell

Prohibi†ed

False Pretense

People are quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.

Many of us think we are thinking great when we are rearranging our prejudices against someone; thou when one's prejudice is strong, his judgement is weak.

Here and there, human nature of self-righteousness may be important in times of trial; but generally speaking, it is its weakness and not its strength that appears in a sick chamber: it is selfishness and impatience rather than generosity and fortitude, that one hears of. There is so little real friendship in the world, it's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it, and unfortunately, there are so many who forget to appreciate and think seriously till it is almost too late.

Too late to forgive, too late to forget. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend, for the worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel -  it is the betrayal of a loved one; like wounded affection for giving poignancy to anger.

One can't simply admit their mistake. You felt that you could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or a hasty thing, a soldier with a sharp mouth and a dull sword, than of those whose rationality never varied, whose tongue never slipped, those whose presence and care never faded.

And to Whom It May Concern:

It’s all evident now, you've thrown everything that we had. You were not contented to just move on with a new relationship, rather you want a new relationship after you toss aside your old one. All I've ever wanted was to be there, watch you take your own way after years of watching over you. But I didn't realize this is how badly you'll want me out of your journey once you've found some concrete path - to this point that you won't mind other people judging and insulting a person you have known for long. That you even gave a stranger a knife to stab a person you have depended on for years. Then finally made him feel he never existed and meant in your life.

Question, you could move on and be happy without hurting and betraying anyone, couldn't you? But why?

I felt worse than betrayed, far worse from the last time that you humiliated the two of us when you’ve let other people be part of our issues, now you did it again on terms where I’ll be the only person on the line.

You're serious about this now? Did you thoroughly think of it? Our issues were supposed to be over, you've made me pay more than enough already, what is this for then? I DON’T OWE you anything anymore, it’s actually the other way around but what are these for? I am not against the two of you, I'm selfish yes, about my own terms yet I didn't stop you from doing what could make you happy; I just wanted to be part of it and that's only what I've been being selfish for. I'm always right at your back but I didn't know you're leading me to a cliff all this time. I'm not against you nor him, yet why? Why did you let him do this to me? Is that right? All this time you still think of me as a threat that you’d make someone think of me as a horrible person to you? Regardless of the past, regardless of our recent arguments, aren't we in stable terms? What did I do unto you for me to deserve those prejudice and humiliation? From you and from someone who doesn't even know me and our story?

Are you sure no one's trying to dictate your life now aside from me? Because I could only see a man taking advantage of our complicated situation in the past to make you put your all and trust in him. That was courageous yes, to stand up for you, act like a smart ass and show you he will protect you. But the question is, does he have the right cause? You know he doesn't have any.

I was never a perfect friend, yes. But I know for a fact that a friend is someone who has the capacity to ruin you, but he never will. We both has the capacity to do so, but I never dared unlike you. You know I could be a mad man. You know I'm not afraid of anything, of offending anyone.. I could, but I won’t, because no matter what, you mean more than that for me, that’s why all I ever did with you was talk shit. 

Every woman who has been with me tried to ask me to make a choice between them and you, but I never entertained that ever because there's no reason to choose, there is never a competition between a partner and a friend. I stood up for your place in my life, altogether with my fucked up concepts in life, my presence didn't waver. I argued to them that whomever wanted to be with me should accept that you're already a significant part of me, a bond I wont severe, a friend I wont compare. But not anymore, you, you even made a fool out of me. Masaya kang pinagmukha niyo akong tanga at masama. I don’t deserve this from you, nor from him.

That's the choice you've made, and I'll see through it to the end.  

I just hope you will remember this, compared to anyone else, I have dealt with you the hardest way, ever. Yet I always stayed for you. ALWAYS.