People are quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.
Many of us think we are thinking great when we are rearranging our prejudices against someone; thou when one's prejudice is strong, his judgement is weak.
Here and there, human nature of self-righteousness may be important in times of trial; but generally speaking, it is its weakness and not its strength that appears in a sick chamber: it is selfishness and impatience rather than generosity and fortitude, that one hears of. There is so little real friendship in the world, it's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it, and unfortunately, there are so many who forget to appreciate and think seriously till it is almost too late.
Too late to forgive, too late to forget. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend, for the worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel - it is the betrayal of a loved one; like wounded affection for giving poignancy to anger.
One can't simply admit their mistake. You felt that you could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or a hasty thing, a soldier with a sharp mouth and a dull sword, than of those whose rationality never varied, whose tongue never slipped, those whose presence and care never faded.
It’s all evident now, you've thrown everything that we had. You were not contented to just move on with a new relationship, rather you want a new relationship after you toss aside your old one. All I've ever wanted was to be there, watch you take your own way after years of watching over you. But I didn't realize this is how badly you'll want me out of your journey once you've found some concrete path - to this point that you won't mind other people judging and insulting a person you have known for long. That you even gave a stranger a knife to stab a person you have depended on for years. Then finally made him feel he never existed and meant in your life.
Question, you could move on and be happy without hurting and betraying anyone, couldn't you? But why?
I felt worse than betrayed, far worse from the last time that you humiliated the two of us when you’ve let other people be part of our issues, now you did it again on terms where I’ll be the only person on the line.
You're serious about this now? Did you thoroughly think of it? Our issues were supposed to be over, you've made me pay more than enough already, what is this for then? I DON’T OWE you anything anymore, it’s actually the other way around but what are these for? I am not against the two of you, I'm selfish yes, about my own terms yet I didn't stop you from doing what could make you happy; I just wanted to be part of it and that's only what I've been being selfish for. I'm always right at your back but I didn't know you're leading me to a cliff all this time. I'm not against you nor him, yet why? Why did you let him do this to me? Is that right? All this time you still think of me as a threat that you’d make someone think of me as a horrible person to you? Regardless of the past, regardless of our recent arguments, aren't we in stable terms? What did I do unto you for me to deserve those prejudice and humiliation? From you and from someone who doesn't even know me and our story?
Are you sure no one's trying to dictate your life now aside from me? Because I could only see a man taking advantage of our complicated situation in the past to make you put your all and trust in him. That was courageous yes, to stand up for you, act like a smart ass and show you he will protect you. But the question is, does he have the right cause? You know he doesn't have any.
I was never a perfect friend, yes. But I know for a fact that a friend is someone who has the capacity to ruin you, but he never will. We both has the capacity to do so, but I never dared unlike you. You know I could be a mad man. You know I'm not afraid of anything, of offending anyone.. I could, but I won’t, because no matter what, you mean more than that for me, that’s why all I ever did with you was talk shit.
Every woman who has been with me tried to ask me to make a choice between them and you, but I never entertained that ever because there's no reason to choose, there is never a competition between a partner and a friend. I stood up for your place in my life, altogether with my fucked up concepts in life, my presence didn't waver. I argued to them that whomever wanted to be with me should accept that you're already a significant part of me, a bond I wont severe, a friend I wont compare. But not anymore, you, you even made a fool out of me. Masaya kang pinagmukha niyo akong tanga at masama. I don’t deserve this from you, nor from him.
That's the choice you've made, and I'll see through it to the end.
I just hope you will remember this, compared to anyone else, I have dealt with you the hardest way, ever. Yet I always stayed for you. ALWAYS.
