Starting Over Again

Let's start over again..

Let me be the one who chases you again.

The guy who would wait for you in the rain.

Let me be a stranger once more,

and chat you to introduce myself again..

Just to get to your heart.

Let's start over again..

Be that bubbly easy-to-read girl you used to be.

Before you plus me was equivalent to "We",

before we changed forever into for life.

Before I foolishly decided to play.

When I was yours and you're mine.

Let's start over, my beloved..

So we could laugh and talk then talk while we laugh.

Or just stare at each other while smiling..

I wish we could start all over again.

And I will bargain, plead, even settle for scraps,

just to win you back into my life.

-Joemm Perez

Inevitable Loop

Attraction is never a choice; we don’t always get to choose who we love. There is never a time or place for love; we might fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. Poets may say that it occurs accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment, with no explanation, without definite reason – This is how exactly I could define my experience just few months ago. There’s this woman; young enough to be considered as my little sister, but in anyway we never felt that gap; and beautiful enough to make feel awkward being with, but somehow when we’re together I don’t feel ugly. There’s just something about her that makes me happy and sad at the same time, she can make or ruin my day, and she is giving me butterflies and headaches for the same reason. Obviously, I got smitten badly and I can’t deny it.

I am not stupid to assume; I am just being brave enough to risk and break my own heart.  Because sometimes we need to fall before we fly, and sometimes to really live, we've got to try. We can always find reasons to work things out. In the end, maybe we’re going to find, if what we feel in our hearts is real and mutual the whole time. We should try to open up our eyes, and hope to find who we are, and how worst or best we can be, with someone we dear. We probably won't end up together, I know that, no one could certainly say.  But why not live like we're forever? Cherish and be happy for every moment that we’re given to share and keep. Memories live within our very soul; good memories often stay in our hearts and make us think better of the future. We may part, but I wanna be that someone to cross her mind and leave a smile on her lips after.

Some of us were afraid to entertain our heart’s desires. Because there could be a lot of “what if’s” and “but’s” to cross our mind. Our own or the other’s past experiences, heart breaks, fears, and personal concerns. People always have something to say. Yet there are things we don’t need to understand, we can’t always try to change everything. Sometimes, it is not meant to be understood, not even always possible to just forget. But it could be simply, accepted, because after all, whatever people around us may say, it’s our life and it’s our own happiness at stake. Worries they say are only the products of our wrong imagination. We shouldn't let our fear hold us back from pursuing our dreams. One must stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start to think what could go right. There comes a time when our mind tells us one thing and our heart tells us another, then before we try to do anything, decide first whether we have a better heart, or a better mind. Does make sense, right?

    

Farewell

November 25, 2014, it would be a day I would not forget, for it is when I experienced how earth fell upon my shoulders, as I walk my way to his remains, I couldn't speak a word, I could not let out any emotion, then my brother told me what happened, how he lost his battle for his life against the comatose state that the traitor stroke has caused him.

They left me for a moment, inside a small, white room with his dead body covered in white cloth. As I felt his warm body with my own hands, I fell apart, I gave into despair and it burst out uncontrollably. I hate it so much, I hate it that I know I’m crying not out of sadness, but of pure regret. I regret everything, I regret that I didn't get to spend the rest of his days properly. I regret that despite knowing we already feel no remorse against each other, pride has prevented us to show how we truly feel for each other, how much I wanted to give him back the good life he once had, how I wanted to be the good son to him, how I badly wanted to brag about my achievements and spill my sorrows and disappointments.. I hate myself for being unable to let him know how much I truly love him as my father, how thankful I was for everything that he has taught me, for my precious talent that I got from him, if not for it I won’t get to where I am now.

He has so much plans for us, and I feel so bad that we we’re unable to make it happen together, that we won’t get to experience it anymore with him.

Maybe this time, I could already tell myself that I've lived long enough. As the time has already come for me to experience the decease of someone close and important to me and to my family.

This is inevitable. No one knows why it would happen at a certain time. And at such moments, nothing’s more invaluable than the love, support and concerns that we received from our families and friends. It helps us heal and accept reality, for that I will always be grateful.

To my beloved father, we know you’re already at peace with the Lord. May you keep on watching over us through the years. I love you.

Copy Paste Syndrome

A few nights ago, I had a good chat with my bestfriend, and we deliberately discussed about things, about our reality, especially our frustrations in life. As the night went on, we may have not realized it but we’ve shared different stories from different perspectives, and at the same time we’ve given each other advices to complement the feelings that we were dwelling on that very moment. We are able to impart wisdom, words of which we cannot think of, didn’t want to think of, or we already thought of but cannot accept. What’s my point then?

Many of us don’t realize that we are already being controlled by the social network. The Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, etc., has made people think everything they need to know is in here, and that everything they could think of, and/or relate to is around the posts and quotes and status of random people. Now as I scroll down my news feed, I started to see its really happening. A lot of us post many sayings, quotes, and deep thoughts and whatnot by certain individuals or organizations who has made a “name” around through history and advertising or social promotions. Mandela, Shakespeare, Bob Marley, locals like Ninoy, Marcos, Rizal, Bob Ong, Marcelo etc., meron pang mga quotes na sinabi daw ng mga bagay tulad ng pader, lapis, utot, butiki at marami pang iba.. What we don’t see is that those eargasm words and phrases are commercially merchandised to us-the consumers who always seek for inspirations, advices, or/and even attention.

I say we shouldn’t live by all those wise words that we get from the internet. What we need to admire are the words that truly relate to us even by a fraction of our lives – words from the people we care about, those who know who we are and what we need. Wisdom from a loved one surely weights ten folds more than those advertised sentences.

Whenever we encounter a problem, it has become easy for us to relate it to posts and quotes we see online. But the social media has fooled us to believe that we don’t need a real person in front of us to reaffirm or get the piece of wisdom that we need. The reason why we have our families and friends can’t be replaced by the existence of an artificial/virtual social site. Sharing experiences is still the key, our own wisdom should either come from inside or from the people we share our emotions and insights to. And it’s always easier in every aspect; to hear, to believe, and to live by those words, words that came from the mouth of someone who truly cares.

Btw, this is a status update.

Summer 2014 Roadtrip

Month of June is about to come, pasukan na naman ng mga estudyante, marami na naman ikakasal, at higit sa lahat, parating na ang tag-ulan - Summer's almost over. Summer, and who doesn't want to spend atleast a day out in the sun while swimming on the beach during summer? Who doesn't want to post photos of themselves wearing bora shorts or swimsuit to go along the trend!? haha. Nawawalan na ko ng pag-asa na magkakaroon pa ako ng Summer outing dahil sa dami ng mga planong napostpone, haha. Luckily though, one plan has materialized, our Roadtrip going to Ternate Cavite.

First off, we left early in the morning from Pasay, we are five people with 3 motorcycles, its actually my first time to travel that far only via motorcycle and I'm kind of excited. We already expected that its gonna be a long drive, estimated 3 hours via Google Map. We started off with a smooth urban ride, passing through manila's busy and smog-filled streets. As soon as we get past manila and reached Cavite, the atmosphere has drastically changed. From the air we breathe, to the scenery that we feast our eyes on. The messy, cluttered, noisy and populated environment turned into luscious green, fresh, peaceful and nature-themed one. Ramdam mo ang outing at Summer pag ganito diba? Yung pakiramdam na alam mong wala ka sa Manila :)

We passed through Imus, Dasmariñas, Trece Martires, and Naic Cavite before we reached Ternate, we took a stopover at Maragondon to eat Lugaw and Goto for breakfast. At Ternate we experienced a thrilling mountain side ride, its like we're going to Baguio because of the curved/zigzag road. It was a hell of a fun ride in all.. We were excited to reach the beach though I could say that the entire roadtrip was enough to quench my thirst of a summer outing! 

It was already past 9am when we reached the entrance gate of the beach inside the Marine Base at Ternate. There are a lot of people that day, we could see large groups of people and families in line in front of the gate, its a sign that the beach is definitely full packed. And it really was full since there was no tables nor cottages left for us to rent, we were forced to build our own fortress to stay along side the beach for our food and bags. Its like we were informal settlers/squatters in there, hehe. But We didnt mind since we're all men and we came there for the fun and the beach and not to relax and sleep. 

The beach is where another set of different fun has happened. One of us didn't know that the sea is salty for 29 years of his entire life! He only found out that very moment when he dived into the beach. Hilarious! We had so much fun throughout our stay that we didn't mind the heat of the sun. Well, one lesson learned; Sunblock really is a must even for men! I didnt imagine I'll get severe sunburns on my back after that day.. :P One more thing, this beach is not recommended if you just want to look for women in two piece bikinis. Obviously its a public beach inside the vicinity of a Marine Base, what would you expect? You should go to private resorts like Puerto Azul if you want to see a bunch of boobies and legs.. haha, though this place is recommended for friends, barkadas, families and company outings.

 All in all? its was a fun-packed summer for us. We already planned our next roadtrip and hopefully we'll be more than 5 people and more than 3 motorcycles heading for some adventure!

Amend

Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don't even recognize that the change is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or unto someone who can explain it to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it sees to break out of its shell on its way on becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant.

But what is more unpleasant is the not knowing what is really happening, forgetting that the very shell that we're breaking was once part of us, that for long it has been our home that covers, protects and hones us into becoming someone; not knowing that we are losing ourselves because of excitement, that just because we found a new light we become insensitive of the things that we will break around us in the process.

We have to live with our mistakes, but we don't have to regret them. Regret our actions but never regret the consequences. We all make our own paths in life. Everyone we meet, everything we do, it changes us. It makes us who we are. And if we're lucky, we're given the chance to make things right again. But that doesn't mean we could deny our past to justify our mistakes. Because we have learnt lessons from all our experiences, no matter how good, bad, or crazy it was.

Its scary to find someone that makes you happy. You start giving them all your attention because they're what you thought might make you forget all bad that's going on in your life. They become the first person you want to talk to so you can start and end your day with a smile. It all sounds great to have that someone, good for you, yet scary for the people who are losing you, who has lost you; to the people you have started taking for granted; how easily it is for you to take your happiness and forget that for once, there's that someone who has filled up your emptiness.

If you leave someone at least say goodbye, because what's more painful than being abandoned; is knowing you're not worth a piece of farewell

Prohibi†ed

False Pretense

People are quick to judge, but slow to correct themselves.

Many of us think we are thinking great when we are rearranging our prejudices against someone; thou when one's prejudice is strong, his judgement is weak.

Here and there, human nature of self-righteousness may be important in times of trial; but generally speaking, it is its weakness and not its strength that appears in a sick chamber: it is selfishness and impatience rather than generosity and fortitude, that one hears of. There is so little real friendship in the world, it's hard to tell who has your back, from who has it long enough just to stab you in it, and unfortunately, there are so many who forget to appreciate and think seriously till it is almost too late.

Too late to forgive, too late to forget. It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend, for the worst pain in the world goes beyond the physical. Even further beyond any other emotional pain one can feel -  it is the betrayal of a loved one; like wounded affection for giving poignancy to anger.

One can't simply admit their mistake. You felt that you could so much more depend upon the sincerity of those who sometimes looked or said a careless or a hasty thing, a soldier with a sharp mouth and a dull sword, than of those whose rationality never varied, whose tongue never slipped, those whose presence and care never faded.

And to Whom It May Concern:

It’s all evident now, you've thrown everything that we had. You were not contented to just move on with a new relationship, rather you want a new relationship after you toss aside your old one. All I've ever wanted was to be there, watch you take your own way after years of watching over you. But I didn't realize this is how badly you'll want me out of your journey once you've found some concrete path - to this point that you won't mind other people judging and insulting a person you have known for long. That you even gave a stranger a knife to stab a person you have depended on for years. Then finally made him feel he never existed and meant in your life.

Question, you could move on and be happy without hurting and betraying anyone, couldn't you? But why?

I felt worse than betrayed, far worse from the last time that you humiliated the two of us when you’ve let other people be part of our issues, now you did it again on terms where I’ll be the only person on the line.

You're serious about this now? Did you thoroughly think of it? Our issues were supposed to be over, you've made me pay more than enough already, what is this for then? I DON’T OWE you anything anymore, it’s actually the other way around but what are these for? I am not against the two of you, I'm selfish yes, about my own terms yet I didn't stop you from doing what could make you happy; I just wanted to be part of it and that's only what I've been being selfish for. I'm always right at your back but I didn't know you're leading me to a cliff all this time. I'm not against you nor him, yet why? Why did you let him do this to me? Is that right? All this time you still think of me as a threat that you’d make someone think of me as a horrible person to you? Regardless of the past, regardless of our recent arguments, aren't we in stable terms? What did I do unto you for me to deserve those prejudice and humiliation? From you and from someone who doesn't even know me and our story?

Are you sure no one's trying to dictate your life now aside from me? Because I could only see a man taking advantage of our complicated situation in the past to make you put your all and trust in him. That was courageous yes, to stand up for you, act like a smart ass and show you he will protect you. But the question is, does he have the right cause? You know he doesn't have any.

I was never a perfect friend, yes. But I know for a fact that a friend is someone who has the capacity to ruin you, but he never will. We both has the capacity to do so, but I never dared unlike you. You know I could be a mad man. You know I'm not afraid of anything, of offending anyone.. I could, but I won’t, because no matter what, you mean more than that for me, that’s why all I ever did with you was talk shit. 

Every woman who has been with me tried to ask me to make a choice between them and you, but I never entertained that ever because there's no reason to choose, there is never a competition between a partner and a friend. I stood up for your place in my life, altogether with my fucked up concepts in life, my presence didn't waver. I argued to them that whomever wanted to be with me should accept that you're already a significant part of me, a bond I wont severe, a friend I wont compare. But not anymore, you, you even made a fool out of me. Masaya kang pinagmukha niyo akong tanga at masama. I don’t deserve this from you, nor from him.

That's the choice you've made, and I'll see through it to the end.  

I just hope you will remember this, compared to anyone else, I have dealt with you the hardest way, ever. Yet I always stayed for you. ALWAYS.

Negros Oriental Trip

This is going to be the first time that Ill be sharing something really blog-like here, something about an actual travel. Mostly I'm posting about random stuff, poetry, riddles and some general information. For a change, I'll share you about my recent trip. I had the chance to go somewhere overseas for the first time with Joyce Ann, who was my recent partner. Although its still in the Philippines. Our destination is Dumaguete, at Negros Oriental in Visayas Region. I was excited, its going to be my first travel on an airplane! haha sounds so lame but yeah, I felt like a kid going to Enchanted Kingdom for the first time. Plus its going to be my first paid vacation leave after being a regular employee/Graphic Artist of the Company Im woking at. So Im kinda hopeful it would be a good time for me to relax, enjoy, rejuvenate and forget all the noises, pollution and clutter of Manila.

We availed the discounted promo fare of Cebu Pacific to get there. And there it was, we flew a hundred meters high and I realized it was just the same as riding a bus, only with a colder air-con, longer pathway in the middle and instead of the smelly, old or the supladong konduktor (conductor), there were pretty, well-groomed, smiling stewardess assisting your every need like food and drinks - yet in a very high price, I was shocked to know that a bottled water and an instant coffee could cost 80-120Php, haha.

Ill skip my experience above the skies, when we arrived at Dumaguete Airport, we were fetched in a Owner-type Truck going to our host's house at Tanjay. First stop and we already feast on sumptuous delicacies, one of their specialty, the Humba. It was too satisfying I didn't even remember to take a photo before it went down our stomachs. We stayed there for 7 days, and I was able to taste a lot of delicious foods and treats. Some that I was able to take photos of are the Budbud (Suman), Tsokolate (Tablea), Tempura (looks like kikiam for me but tastes different), Crabs, Sansrival Cake and a lot more, I could say eating has consumed entirely half of my experience there. :D

At Tanjay, one of the first thing I noticed was their Tricycles, as compared to the usual tricycles around manila, the tricycles of Tanjay and Dumaguete are larger, almost jeep-like in exterior, and has a lot more passenger capacity.  I cant imagine how those Trycs would fit Manila's tight and crowded roads.

Early in the morning, after our first night in a quiet, cold, and old place, we went for a walk in the boulevard/sea side park just 15 minutes away. My company, Joyce went there to jog but since I have no running shoes, I was contented just sight-seeing, looking out to sea, enjoying the fresh air of the Orient.

We spent the first two days visiting their relatives around, eating, watching the television, and eating again; taking walks around the street to look for foods to try. And on the third day, our expeditions began. From Tanjay, we have to pass through Dumaguete City before reaching Valencia, so we didn't waste time and dropped by at the famous Dumaguete Bell Fry, beside it is the St. Catherine of Alexandria Church.

We went up to the mountains of Valencia to look for the 100 meter-high Casaroro Falls, we didn't expected its such a drag to go there, our Van cant handle the rocky road uphill so we had to hike our way up to the entrance of the falls. But wait, there's more, through the entrance awaits the 387 steps down to meet a rocky river-side trail going to the falls, we have three elder people with us who cant conquer the trail going to the falls so they went up again to the entrance.

I with Joyce and her cousins then paved our way through. And after 20 minutes, we reached our destination, and its totally worth it! The Falls is so amazing and the water is very cold, its just like a scene in the Avatar movie. While they were all contented taking photos around the falls, I took my privilege to test the waters even though there's a huge sign in the entrance that says "No swimming". We're the only souls in there, so that didn't stop me from taking a dip into the falls basin. Its very cold and refreshing, I was being tempted by the falls to go near and feel water falling a hundred meters above us, I didn't take the risk. I've read online that drowning incidents already happened in there taking lives of several locals and tourists.

After few minutes of enjoying the view, we went back up up and I'm telling you, the 387 steps were a breeze going down, but going up? its entirely a different story.. haha. Our next stop was an Exclusive Nature Inspired Residential Community Resort Subdivision in Valencia situated 800 feet above sea level. They offer amenities like the Greek-inspired clubhouse and pavilion, enormous lagoon type infinity swimming pool, restaurant, lighthouse view deck, cliff-side boulevard, picnic and bonfire areas, spacious open parks and its latest craze, the zipline adventure ride, we only paid for a sight-seeing entrance fee though. After all the we enjoyed it because of the spectacular views.

We're supposed to go home already after visiting Tierra Alta, but our driver suggested we visit another falls nearby, the Pulang-bato Falls. Its actually a twin-falls. The surroundings on our ways there is unique, the mountains and rokscapes on the side of the road are red in color and some emits acid-smelling fumes. The color of the water Falls also appears red, but quickly turns clear once taken out from the river. It must be only a reflection of the red rock formations that make up most of the landscape. There's also a man-made pool there where we swam and took some dives.

The fifth day of our stay-cation is also big, in the morning we traveled a long way to Mabinay Spring, a natural spring park, we spent our time there swimming on the natural spring pool and walking around the forest while waiting for our service that will bring us to Bulwang where we had our Spelunking.

After Mabinay Spring, we went to three basic caves in Mabinay, the Panligawan Cave, the Pandalihan Cave and lastly, the Crystal Cave. Our tour Guide said that Bulwang Caves, or Mabinay claims to be the Cave Capital of the country because just in that area, there are more than 300 caves, and most of them are still unexplored. 

Inside and outside the caves are some animals living peacefully, which are signs that the environment is really alive and are not being disturbed.. 

I definitely would want to go back in there and experience the Advanced and Extreme Caves, they have a total of 8 caves open for public and they said that spelunking on the Advance and Extreme Caves of Mabinay are extraordinary, where they have to rappel, crawl, swim and hike under the caves. I cant wait to experience all that with my friends one day.

The whole week I stayed there was totally fun, which makes me think of the recent years I've been working hard without taking a good break. So starting this year and the next, I'll always think of giving myself a break once in a while, everyone should. After all life's too serious already to be taken seriously. The world is truly vast, and there's a lot of good places here in the Philippines to visit.